Year-End Reflections

In few days’ time, another year is about to end and it’s that time of the year again to reflect on the sentimental journey it has been. I would say that this, by far, was one of the most challenging years I’ve had. And to be able to emerge from it eventually is something I am more than grateful of.

There are five particular things which I’d like to focus my thoughts on and as part of my reflection process, I am asking my 30-year-old self these questions.

#1. What did you accomplish this year?

Life seemed latent for me for quite some time - until this year. I feel I have done many things in 2019 that I would consider as great achievements. It was a year of growth in terms of career and personal development. The greatest among these is being able to gain an international qualification in my profession. Apart from that, I was able to learn and apply another imaging modality (i.e., ultrasonography) which I was dreading to learn in the past. This is also the year that I obtained my driving license (even though I have no plans of having my own car). I was able to finally learn to play ukulele to further my hobbies. Not to mention that I’ve made peace with some important people from the past, which is a pretty huge accomplishment too!  

#2. How did you challenge yourself to grow this year?

The moment I realized the danger of falling into the trap of being in my comfort zone, that was when things no longer feel right for me. So I have found my way out. But little did I know, where I am heading was a more difficult direction. It was utterly uncomfortable. Challenging. Lonely. But I took this path, nevertheless, because of that deep-seated belief that it will all be worth it and because of some reasons perhaps I have yet to find out. In truth, it is so easy to get caught up with what’s convenient. These days, it is so tempting to rely on what offers instant gratification. But at the end of the day, the wise will only continue to seek wisdom, and they will pursue happiness in more profound ways.    

#3. What new opportunities came out of the difficulties you faced?

If there’s one essential life lesson 2019 has taught me, it reminded me that good things take time. Although it hasn’t been a smooth ride, I would still say that I am coming out from it as a better version of myself. Opportunities were there to allow me to realize how resilient and patient I can be. I could still remember starting the year with no clear outlook. To me, it felt like taking a shot in the dark. But the mere fact that I have at least tried something new/something different, brought me somewhere farther than where I used to be. Ultimately, to realize this is the first step to open ourselves to even bigger opportunities in life.     

#4. What did you learn you need this year?

Interestingly, there were some people (from different circles) who incidentally have defined me as someone who is too hard on self, a remark which I have gotten a lot this year. This hit me hard. As of this writing, I am quite uncertain if I have already lessened the chances, but to acknowledge that it exists is something that I am trying to work on each time. I learned that I need to break this bad habit before it’s too late, and establish self-care and self-worth.       

#5. What can you let go that didn’t serve you in 2019?

This year, I was pretty solid. Or at least, I have tried to. I have chosen to let go of my emotional dependence on others in place of the great unknown. Slowly, I did enjoy doing things on my own again thinking that this would go on in an indefinite time frame. But sometimes, due to our innate nature of finding the one, we tend to try again, and then, error after error, we learn to let go of the need to take control. The biggest lesson I learned this year is not to force anything. Conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Because anything that is forced is fleeting and is not worth fighting for. Whatever flows, flows. And what crashes, crashes.      

So, cheers to another year ahead, and here's to believing it will be a year full of promise!

Sea of Strangers, Lang Leav